As two sensual explorers committed to building a deeply erotic life, my partner and I choose to consciously and ritually use psychedelic and empathogenic medicines in our relationship. These substances and the experiences we have are perhaps the most important tools in our erotic toolkit.
And our erotic toolkit is expansive! I’m a Sex Coach and Sex Educator and he’s a Sex Therapist and Psychotherapist, so we have lots of skills, practices, toys, and emotional intelligence between the two of us. And still, the medicines are one of the most potent ways to transform our energy and our connection. In this story, I’ll share a bit about how we work with these medicines, things to consider, and additional resources to explore if you decide to dive into the realms of the psychedelic.
Many medicines offer us a gateway to a more conscious, sacred sexuality with self and other. These medicines are not the only way to experience transcendent states, but they can give you a window into what’s possible when you explore the edges of breath, body, and love. These medicines offer us a chance to be in a state of pure bliss—who we ARE in our purest state of love—before trauma, stress, fear, taxes, traffic, financial pressure, and real-life dampens our beautiful inner light.
Please note: I’m not a doctor nor a therapist, so this information reflects my own experience and does not constitute medical advice. Always work with a trained psychedelic facilitator and be aware of local laws regarding each substance, as these are ever-changing. I am a proponent of descheduling these substances to encourage more research and create more access points so that everyone has the ability to use these medicines. For information about legality and equity, I recommend The Clarity Project, a Hawaii-based initiative working to expand access to these vital medicines.
Exploring the Self with Psychedelics
For years, I’ve been working with psychedelic mushrooms on my own, giving myself over to ritual spaces (in nature or at home) that allow me to drop into my divinity, work though deep healing, and feel more of myself. I feel so deeply content, grateful, and humble in the days following a mushroom experience—generally in a better flow state with my life. And I know the scientific reasons behind this, and how psychedelics allow our brain to form new neural pathways, make connections, and heal.
For me, psychedelic mushrooms are primarily a ritualized solo experience—this particular plant medicine is very cerebral for me. It’s valuable to be in my brain and in my imagination, but it’s not as sensual nor connecting as I’d like it to be. I know for others, psychedelic mushrooms can be deeply connecting. In fact, my partner feels deeply aroused while on mushrooms, so it’s not our best substance to explore together because we often find ourselves in very different headspaces. While it is mostly individuated (for me), it also helps me feel more of my spirit connection, which then allows me to find it in others in the afterglow of a trip.
My work with ‘magic mushrooms’ has allowed me to heal old trauma patterns in my mind, feel unconditional love for the first time in my life, and build a deeper spiritual connection with God (the Universe, Nature, the Divine—it’s all the same cosmic energy to me). When I’m in the magic of mushrooms, I feel my wild, natural self and can indulge in deep rest, expressive dance, and a pure self-love. For many of us, mushrooms can offer a deep experience akin to many years of therapy—but as Dr. Cat Meyer reminds us, only if you’ve DONE those years of therapy and have the integration tools necessary for such a profound experience.
Feeling into Sacred Sexuality with MDMA
Our shared medicine of choice is MDMA (often called molly or ecstasy). This is part of our foundational connection and a big part of our ritual experience. Not only is it a deeply emotionally connecting experience, it also offers a wild expression of our sexuality—this medicine shows us what’s possible when we move away from fear and into the pure life force of eroticism.
When we were long-distance lovers for our first few years, MDMA was the way we integrated our energies after being apart for so long. Now that we’re living together, it’s a way to add a monthly, connecting ritual that keeps us grounded in our deep love. During our exploration of MDMA, I’ve had intense bouts of crying and emoting that have gotten me closer to myself, helped with work through deep grief, moved me into a truly adoring state of self-love, and allowed me to express my wildest sexual self. We’ve worked through his sexual trauma, too, and it’s helped us build trust in our connection. MDMA functions as a truth serum for emotions, and I’ve had profound insights about other relationships in my life and it has clarified next steps in my whole world.
We’ve also kept our MDMA experiences private to us (we do not party with it or take it with others). When we explore, we set aside more than 24 hours for the full experience, and make it into a ritual. We light the candles, prepare lots of delicious beverages (electrolyte water, herbal tea, sugar-free flavored waters, sparkling water), and set up little nests throughout the house with pillows, perfect lighting, and other tools we might want. Usually we start midday, drop in for the evening, and then spend the next morning and early afternoon in the ‘love bubble’ of the afterglow. We set intentions, we say prayers, we breathe together, and we let ourselves be in our bliss.
Ketamine for Connection
The next medicine I’d like to explore is ketamine. The research on ketamine is really interesting, offering individuals and couples a deeply healing experience. One educator I really like refers to it as the bridge between the cerebral experience of mushrooms and the sensual experience of MDMA—which sounds like exactly the type of medicine I want.
Unlike psychedelics and MDMA, ketamine offers an experience of shorter duration, which might be interesting to those of us that cannot set aside time for a full weekend experience, or for those that are just getting started on medicine journeys.
Kelly Rollinson, a holistic therapist that specializes in somatic and psychedelic-assisted psychotherapies, says this about ketamine and its healing potential: “While ketamine is not a classical psychedelic, the effects of the medicine can be exceptionally ‘psychedelic,’ eliciting feelings of oneness, openness, connection.”
She adds, “When offered with safety, care, intention, and integrity, ketamine-assisted psychotherapy holds tremendous potential for those with depression, anxiety, substance use concerns, PTSD, as well as for folks wishing to dive more deeply into their inner world to support healing & transformation.”
We’ll be exploring ketamine at a practitioner’s teaching experience in a few months, and I’m excited to explore.
Resources for Exploration
As a sex coach in Berkeley, California, where these medicines are legal, I am a big fan of having a guide along your journey of exploration (with substances or not). This work of sexual healing is deep, beautiful, rewarding, and can present challenges that could benefit from professional support.
One of my favorite resources is Dr. Cat Meyer, a licensed sex and psychedelic-assisted psychotherapist. She has a podcast focused on this rich topic and offers tons of wisdom. Another way to explore is in a retreat setting, where you’ll be held in a safe container and explore substances safely. Kelly Rollinson, referenced above, offers individual psychedelic healing sessions and is hosting a beautifully curated natural medicine retreat for women in Telluride, Colorado, in early October 2024. I’m sad to be unable to attend this one, but I’ll definitely be there for their retreat in 2025.