Do you need a Sex Coach? Could your relationship benefit from some guidance and inspiration? I did a series of Reels + TikToks a few weeks ago to introduce folks to my work, and I wanted to share here on my blog. Below I’ll share details about the type of people that work with me and how we might work together if you want to engage
Who Works with a Sex Coach?
All kinds of people choose to work with a Sex Coach and Sex Educator. Just like runners or surfers would hire a coach to help them improve their performance and guide them towards doing their best, I work with people to help them discover more about themselves, learn more about their body, and better understand their sexuality. In other words, people just like you work with a Sex Coach! You’re all welcome here!
- I work with individuals and couples.
- I work with men and women and non-binary folks and trans folks.
- I work with queer folks and straight folks.
- I work with monogamous and polyamorous/ethical non-monogamy couples.
- I work with people that are married and people that are divorced and people that are single.
- I work with ‘vanilla’ folks and kinky folks.
What does a Sex Coach Offer?
Usually I start with a free consultation for my clients. This helps you (and your partner) get to know me, and helps me get to know you, and together we’ll determine if we’re a good fit to work together. Sometimes it’s not a fit—see below for some reasons why people might not be ready to work with a Sex Coach or reasons I’d choose to not work with someone.
When we decide to work together, we’ll find a schedule that works best for you and set up meetings. Nearly all my sessions are on Zoom, so you don’t have to live near me to work with me. Our first sessions are often talk therapy-type sessions where you can explain more about challenges and issues that you’re working on for yourself or in your relationship. If I work with a couple, sometimes I’ll do sessions with both people throughout, sometimes we’ll take a 2-1-1-2 approach so that I can get to know each of the people in their own session, and then bring them back together.
Sometimes we’ll talk in session, sometimes I’ll guide you through somatic (body-based) practices like breathwork or consent experiences. Each session will be a bit different depending on on the needs, desires, and goals of clients. Each path is really different, so no two sessions will look the same between clients; I don’t have a cookie-cutter approach.
After each session I share a follow up email with notes, reflections, and homework + homeplay to get you started on the work. The homework will be touch practices for self and other, sometimes these will be worksheets to help unravel your sexual values, sometimes it’s guided conversations to help them practice new communication skills or play relationship games to reconnect. You’re not getting graded on your work, but doing your homework does help you move through the challenges!
What Can I Learn from a Sex Coach?
There are lots of things that I can offer you as a Sex Coach. Sometimes, people just need a safe place to talk about sex and relationships, and I’m here for that. And below are some of the most common reasons that people come to work with me.
- Questions about anatomy, physiology, or sexuality. Most of us don’t really know how our bodies (or our partner’s body) works. As a women in my 40s I’m learning a lot about how my body is changing due to perimenopause, and my partner (who’s 51) is experiencing some changes too. We need to rethink our sex practices and expectations to reground them in the present: the bodies we have now, the type of sex we want to have, and what we and our partner desires. I also work with folks exploring new facets of their sexuality, whether they are curious about a different relationship configuration (like polyamory) or interested in exploring their sexuality in new ways (with new people, with different genders, and/or types of sex).
- Your sex life needs a reboot! Maybe you want to talk to someone about how your sex life has gotten a little routine or predicable. Building a relationship that includes sex worth having takes a lot of work during the lifespan of the relationship. And please remember, that New Relationship Energy you felt at the beginning was a hormonal cascade that’s NOT meant to last! So if you’re not feeling that right now, you’re OK… and there are strategies and practices we can do to help you bring back the sparkle.
- Relationship and Intimacy Challenges. Maybe you feel disconnected from your own body or from your partner? Maybe you’re going through a big change (like a divorce) and want to learn more about how to do relationships differently. My blended approach of ancient and modern practices can work with a lot of people to help us feel more connection, more expressive emotionally, better able to create and maintain boundaries, and now more of what we want, to help us build better relationships.
What if I’m Very Shy and Not Ready to Talk to a Sex Coach?
Can you still work with a sex coach if you’re shy? Of course! I’ve built my business to make space for everyone, and you can do a lot of this work online in my guided trainings. The best place to learn and get all my pleasure-focused and shame-free education is in my Pleasure Collective. You can view a lot of my content for free, and when you’re ready for more worksheets, musings, and brilliantly fun sex education videos, you can become a member for as little as $5/month.
I know that it can be hard to talk about this most intimate topic, and it’s TOTALLY NORMAL that you might be feeling shy or nervous. So the online options are a great way to learn and grow without ever having to talk to me. And when you’re ready, I’m here, and I will go as slow as you need to feel safe.
Who Is Not a Fit for Working with a Sex Coach?
Not everyone is a fit for working with me, and I do sometimes make referrals out to therapists, physical therapists, physcologists, and medical doctors. There are a few reasons that you might not be a fit for working with me:
- I am not a mental health care provider: Sex coaching can take you from stable to thriving, so if you’re not yet stable in your life or mental health, I’m not your person. This might look like unresolved trauma, un- or under-treated anxiety, depression, or other health challenges, or genuinely unstable life situations (ie: financially unstable, housing unstable, etc. I’m happy to offer referrals for additional support, but if you’re actively unstable, I’m not your person.
- You must respect me and my work. During our initial consultation call, I’m observing your words and actions, and I’m making my best guess as to whether we’re a fit. I have a few key indicators that I look for in session. This includes a willingness to learn and openness to being coached, and also general respect for my time and boundaries. If I feel that you’re not attending to these things, or that you’re being dismissive, rude, or inappropriate, I’ll end the session with no refunds given. This work is deeply personal and can be deeply healing, but I need to know you’re ready to take it on. If there is any question that you’re not going to be respectful or grounded enough to take on the work, then it’s not likely a fit.
- You need to be available: this includes the time, energy, physical and mental space, and the financial support to work together.