Stepping into my work as a sex coach and relationship coach has allowed me to learn new ways to work with men that are as surprising as they are delightful.
It’s surprising, because when I started doing this work I assumed I’d be working mostly with women. I wanted to help all my sisters claim their pleasure, use their voices, and take over the world with their powerful, sexual energy (see here for my first live presentation about this mission). This mission is still true, and I do work with plenty of women; however, I’ve found in my workshops, classes, and in individual sessions that men have unique challenges and needs that I feel really compelled to support.
As a lifelong feminist (I have a Master’s degree in this stuff, y’know!), I know how all of us are harmed by the heteropatriarchy. This rigid social-cultural conditioning gives men limited expressions of gender and sexual identity, disallows emotional depth and expression, and sets up a model of masculine success that does more harm than good. Men deserve healing, and it feels like a particular gift (a calling) to be able to work with men in this way. As part of my ongoing learning and skills-building, I’ll be starting a mastermind/mentorship program for women that work with men, taught by Fabienne Annick. We start next week, and I can’t wait to get juicy!
Here’s How I Work with Men as a Sex Coach
I’m heteroromantic—which means I identify as bisexual, but I’m primarily interested in dating and partnering with men—and I’ve spent most of my life in relationship with men. I’ve been loved by a few wonderful men. I have also been harmed at the hands of men—by emotional abuse, harassment, aggression, and by simply existing as a female in this patriarchal culture. But I’ve learned what it is to hold and to handle men: I know what men struggle with sexually (whether they admit it or not), and I know how powerful it is to be a safe space for men to be vulnerable, express their needs, and unwind shame in their bodies. I help men by healing the damage inflicted upon them by others, and to affirm and welcome their healthy masculine expression. Fully expressed and emotionally connected men are powerful, sexy, and confident lovers/partners.
There is so much potential and power to be explored within men! Men that understand and have access to their masculine/directive energy can powerfully love and care for their partners, their family, and their community, and be a powerful mirror to encourage other men to drop into this work. Men that understand the power of their emotional, physical, and sexual selves—and know how to direct energy and be supportive lovers—are a gift to this world.
What does this work look like? Consider this case study of Adam. We worked together to help unwind shame—a heavy burden that he had been carrying since childhood, thinking that his body, his desires, and his energy is just wrong. He trapped his sexuality inside, never to be seen nor expressed. Because he never tapped into his true sexual needs and desires—and chose instead to acquiesce to those of his female partners—his sexual energy remained stifled across his relationships. When we started working together, we used affirmations about the rightness of his needs and desires, addressing his body shame with positive reflections, and encouraged self-exploration by suggesting new ways to think about touch, sexuality, and gender expression. He’s now in a wildly sexual, loving relationship that has long-term potential. He now feels better about expressing his desire for (consensual) sexual dominance, kinky experiences, and other explorations with his partner… and he’s having lots of fun along the way!
Men, This is Doing the Work
I’ll be teaching two men’s only workshops in May and June to help men embody their eroticism and better understand their bodies via intellectual and body-based exercises that explore breath, touch, and self-connection. Join me and other explorers to become the lover and the leader you’ve always wanted to be.
Trust me, your partners want you to do this work!
You’ll know yourself better: you’ll leave these workshops with more access to feeling, desire, and expression of your true self. You’ll be a more expressed, patient, loving, and kind partner/lover. You’ll be more caring, more attentive, and better as a friend, co-parent, teacher, and/or coworker. And I promise, it will be SO FUN!