Mindful intimacy is one of my favorite phrases to use in my work. To me, it captures the essence of my work. We approach intimacy (and its connotations of sex, pleasure, exploration, security, connection) in a conscious way (with mindfulness, meditative practices, and intention).
Research shows that mindfulness is great for a lot of things in our life, and this applies to sex, too! Decades of research by Canadian psychologist Dr. Lori Broto shows how important mindfulness is to our sexual experience. In my practice as a men’s sexuality coach, I use many of Dr. Broto’s practices (and other tools from Tantra and Taoism) to help ALL people feel more in tune with their own bodies.
Whether in yoga, meditation, or a mindfulness practice, our attention is likely to wander—that’s what our mind is designed to do! The goal is to gently bring our attention back again and again to the activity at hand—regardless of whether you’re in a headstand, seated on a meditation cushion, or making love.
One of the things that hinders many people from being in the moment during sex is ‘spectatoring.’ This means we’re watching (and often judging) ourselves having sex rather than being in the moment. This can take us out of sensation, out of our bodies, and therefore, away from our pleasure. Mindfulness is a great way to help bring our attention back again and again to help us be more mindful and ultimately feel more during sex.