As a lover, your power is your presence. There are many skills you can learn on your path to sexual healing, but I would argue that none are more potent than presence.
Being still, offering space, and tuning in to your person is the most powerful medicine. Learning to truly hold space for your partner is a gift. And it takes both skills and practices to learn how to do it.
We are not taught these critical relational skills, and so most of us have a lot of work to do here—including myself! Depending on your wiring, it might be learning to not take things personally, creating powerful and loving boundaries, and practicing clear communication.
And it’s finding your own internal stillness and calm. This looks like mental stillness, mindful breath, body awareness, energetic presence. If you practice yoga, martial arts, mediation, or qigong, you may already know this internal stillness. It’s the calm in body/mind/spirit after a connected yoga class; it’s the deep softening after a breathwork or meditation session; it’s the experience of finding blissful self-awareness after a powerful plant medicine journey. You can actively cultivate a more grounded, calm, and unshakeable spaciousness. It starts within.
This is internal work helps us move more easily through the world, and it’s a gift to your lovers, too. True presence builds trust, deepens intimacy, and makes your partners melt into their softness. Knowing that I can be my most emotional, ambivalent, wild, sad, aroused self and my Lover will not only weather my storms but actually RELISH and DELIGHT in the fullness of me… mmmm, nothing is more potent.
In service of your expansion, I’m sharing some resources and musings that have inspired me this week.
Hold yourself (and your loved ones) tightly.
Love, Andrea 💕
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