What does sexuality mean to you, as a man? What aspects of your sexuality are joyful, and which are challenging for you? In this article, men’s sexuality coach Andrea Bertoli will share her wisdom about the potency of sexual energy, how to cultivate it, and how men can get more in touch with their bodies.
Some Thoughts on Men’s Sexuality
When I tell men I’m a sex coach, sometimes they have a strong reaction—”OH! I don’t need this type of help; I’m already amazing in bed.”
OK, sure. This might be true. And yet… I see so much defensiveness and posturing in that type of response, and I understand why this is necessary. Men are socialized to have such limited access to emotional expression, and being vulnerable or asking questions about sex just doesn’t fit into this limited definition of what’s ‘manly.’ Men are expected to be amazing in bed, and yet are not given the education or tools about what that actually looks like.
When men do open up about sex, there is so much tenderness. So many of the men that I speak to tell me of body shame, physical harm, emotional abuse, and insecurity about their sexuality. So many of them are ‘nice guys’ who have worked really hard to be #notallmen. For many, this means hiding away their needs and desires, and squashing their authentic sexual expression. Most people don’t know how to ask for what they want, how to connect with their own bodies, and are at a loss for how to be better partners and lovers. When we dive in and start to explore the origins of some of their vulnerability around sex, the work can be incredibly healing for the individuals, for their partners, and for the collective. It is a blessing to hold space for this exploration.