Just like meditation, yoga, and mindfulness (or financial management, tennis, piano, or French, really anything), the more we practice something the more natural and easeful it becomes for us. The more grace we give ourselves on our learning journey (and when we can expand our ‘learning edge’ as many of my teachers call it, the better the practice becomes.
This is the same for self-touch: we can choose to make pleasure a practice. By that I mean, we can set aside time to nourish ourselves in this very specific way, for the pure joy of self loving.
One of the many incredible therapists in my life asked me what my top resources would be for people with vülväs who wanted to expand or start anew a pleasure practice. Below is a list of THREE PRACTICES and THREE THINGS three things I’d recommend to inspire you to pursue your pleasure as a mindful erotic exploration. To share this list with someone you love, find my posts on Instagram.
A final note on the importance of this work: you are your own best lover; this means that you have responsibility for your own pleasure. If you are craving more depth and connection in your sexual relationship with your partner, you have the responsibility to start with yourself; I don’t think we can expect others to give us what we won’t give to ourselves.
1️⃣ Space // time: Everyone is busy, yes, and our energy goes where our intention flows. If you want to focus on pleasure, you need to prioritize time. Maybe it’s an extra 10 minutes in the morning, or a longer shower, or maybe you have the luxury of a whole night at home by yourself. I love scheduling things on my calendar, including quiet time for myself.
2️⃣ Intention // attention: Remember there is no goal here during your practice. Much like yoga class is still beneficial even if you don’t make it into your headstand or other challenge pose, your pleasure practice is a practice, regardless of whether you O or not. Practice sensation, slowness, intentional self-love, and enjoy giving yourself a gift.
3️⃣ Sensation Play: Open your heart/mind/body to the joy of exploration. Even if you have a regular play practice, try new things (new location, new time of day) and if you want to really vary your sensation, try some new toys (or try your old toys in new ways… like some vibes on your nipples, maybe?)
4️⃣ OMGYes is a wonderfully informative, interactive website that shows all sorts of ways to pleasure vülväs, featuring a huge diversity of women m@sturb@ting and self-pleasuring. Season 1 is all clït and external pleasure, while Season 2 is penetration. It’s explicit and sweet, and very informative.
5️⃣ Foria, specifically the Awaken Arousal CBD-infused oil is SO DELICIOUS. It’s a warming oil that can be used for breast + vülvä + an@l stimulation as a lube. It adds a lot to both the physical sensation, and it’s also just a nice way to enhance the experience, like giving yourself a treat, or setting your session up for success. Made with botanicals like kava, cacao, and cinnamon, it smells like coconut chai, and I do think it makes a difference with the type of orgasms I have. This oil can be especially helpful for anyone experiencing acute/chronic váginal dryness and/or pain, as the CBD can help relax the sensitive tissues.
6️⃣ Erøticå of all sorts! Word nerd that I am, I prefer written erøticå. I’d recommend an anthology to start, as it offers a variety of authors, styles, and situations in one book. There are a few options for audio erotica that sound sooo sexy (@dipseastories, @getcoral — find them on Instagram for sneak peeks).
I’m not affiliated with any of these brands, these are heartfelt recommendations from your favorite sex educator and pleasure coach. 💕
📸 Milan Popovic on Unsplash