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Men’s Conscious Sexuality Gathering: December Notes // Edging Practice & Orgasm Control

Each month I host free online gatherings for men that want to have helpful and healing conversations about sex and pleasure: this month we talked about building an edging practice. These events are a service offering to the community, and are free to attend for anyone that identifies as a man. Each month will have a specific topic, and I’ll share some wisdom and practices, and then it’s an open group discussion. Our next gathering for men is January 17: learn more and register here.


Mmmmm, this month I got to share one of my VERY FAVORITE topics: edging practice and orgasm control. Edging is a potent physical practice that helps you better understand and gain mastery of your arousal and orgasm.

This topic is super important because it helps people with penises gain control and mastery of their arousal and orgasm. Rather than letting orgasm happen to you, you practice cultivating, exploring, and building your arousal, and owning and holding your orgasm for your own pleasure (or that of your partner).

First, we’ll talk about WHAT edging is and HOW to do it, and then some of the reasons behind WHY it’s a beautiful practice to integrate into your play.

What is Edging?

Edging is a practice of getting to know your arousal in your unique body. I recommend starting on your own in your masturbation practice, and then when you have a bit more control, you can bring it into partner play. To edge, you touch yourself and track your arousal, bringing it up-up-up then down again. Then up-up-up, and down again.

Most men tell me they want to last longer in partnered play, or at least have more control over when they orgasm. This is a way to get there using a physical practice. Edging is an awesome practice on it’s own, and can heighten your own and your partner’s pleasure.

As I shared with the group yesterday, when I know my lover can hold his arousal, it makes space for my organic desire and arousal to emerge—when I know he can hold his desire, it frees me to explore my wildest expression. I can be as slow or fast or wild as feels good, and he can hold it all. This is a POWERFUL way to show up as a lover: letting your partner feel free to fully express and be fully in their pleasure is a gift. ⭐️ 10/10. highly recommend! ⭐️

man in bed looking sexy

How to Practice Edging

To practice edging, you track your arousal as you touch yourself using a 1-10 scale. One is neutral/not aroused; ten is boom, over the edge. We might also call that the point of no return, or point of orgasmic inevitability. As you get to know your own arousal response, you can learn to differentiate between the numbers. “Oh, this is what a five feels like, this is what a nine feels like.” There’s no RIGHT way to track your numbers—it’s unique to you, and as you practice you’ll likely develop more sensitivity that will change your own number system.

Bring yourself up, then back off—you can slow down your stroke, change positions, change hands, or stop touching all together. If you’re playing with a partner, be sure to communicate with them. “Babe, I’m at a seven, let’s slow down.” “Or BABE! I’m at a nine, stop moving!”

As you explore this practice, you can learn to ‘surf the eight’ as one of our attendees shared yesterday. As a surfer myself, knowing juuuuust the right spot on the wave is really key to doing it well: so too with your arousal. Learning how to feel MORE of your sensation and pleasure when you’re at an eight offers MORE JOY and MORE PLEASURE into your play. You do not need to rush… there is so much to enjoy on the journey.

Why Should You Practice Edging?

There are lots of reasons to practice edging. Here are just a few:

  1. Edging helps you pay better attention to your body and your orgasm and gives you control from within, rather than distracting yourself outward from your pleasure.  
  2. Practicing edging when you masturbate helps train your body for if/when you move into partnered sex. It can be a great way to last longer and stay more present.
  3. Everyone can practice edging, however, it’s especially helpful for people with penises to help you learn better awareness of and control over orgasm and ejaculation.
  4. Edging has the added benefit of helping ALL people unwind the idea that sex has to be goal-directed (ie: with orgasm as the outcome).
  5. Edging is a physical practice that makes space for deeper levels of pleasure, and opens the door to separating orgasm from ejaculation (yes! it’s possible and awesome) and making you a multi-orgasmic person! This can then open the door to a more conscious pleasure experience, and open your heart and body to the deeper, more, sacred aspects of sex like energetic orgasms and divine connection.
  6. Some people practice edging to get to a point of semen retention, both for physical and energetic benefits. The practices of ejaculation withhold and semen retention have roots in Taoist sexual practices (and Tantric practices, too). To learn more, check out Mantak Chia’s books (specifically The Multi-Orgasmic Male and the Multi-Orgasmic Couple, for cis/heterosexual couples) and his informative Instagram page. The other book mentioned was Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century, by Barbara Carrellas, with whom I did my professional training (more sex/gender/sexuality inclusive).

If you have feedback or questions about our group, please reach out and let me know. I love to hear compliments (yes, of course, I have a praise kink) and I welcome constructive feedback and topics suggestions to make the events even better for you!

Don’t forget to register for my January event, as we’ll be talking about DESIRE and INITIATION.


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