Does you need a Sex Coach? Could your relationship benefit from some guidance and inspiration? I did a series of Reels + TikToks a few weeks ago to introduce folks to my work, and I wanted to share here on my blog. Below I’ll share details about the type of people that work with me and how we might work together if you want to engage.
Who Works with a Sex Coach?
All kinds of people choose to work with a Sex Coach and Sex Educator. Just like runners or surfers would hire a coach to help them improve their performance and guide them towards doing their best, I work with people to help them discover more about themselves, learn more about their body, and better understand their sexuality. In other words, people just like you work with a Sex Coach! You’re all welcome here!
- I work with individuals and couples.
- I work with men and women and non-binary folks and trans folks.
- I work with queer folks and straight folks.
- I work with monogamous and polyamorous/ethical non-monogamy couples.
- I work with people that are married and people that are divorced and people that are single.
- I work with ‘vanilla’ folks and kinky folks.
How Do I work with a Sex Coach?
Usually I start with a free consultation for my clients. This helps you (and your partner) get to know me, and helps me get to know you, and together we’ll determine if we’re a good fit to work together. Sometimes it’s not a fit—see below for some reasons why people might not be ready to work with a Sex Coach or reasons I’d choose to not work with someone.
When we decide to work together, we’ll find a schedule that works best for you and set up meetings. Nearly all my sessions are on Zoom, so you don’t have to live near me to work with me. Our first sessions are often talk therapy-type sessions where you can explain more about challenges and issues that you’re working on for yourself or in your relationship. If I work with a couple, sometimes I’ll do sessions with both people throughout, sometimes we’ll take a 2-1-1-2 approach so that I can get to know each of the people in their own session, and then bring them back together.
Sometimes we’ll talk in session, sometimes I’ll guide you through somatic (body-based) practices like breathwork or consent experiences. Each session will be a bit different depending on on the needs, desires, and goals of clients. Each path is really different, so no two sessions will look the same between clients; I don’t have a cookie-cutter approach.
After each session I share a follow up email with notes, reflections, and homework + homeplay to get you started on the work. The homework will be touch practices for self and other, sometimes these will be worksheets to help unravel your sexual values, sometimes it’s guided conversations to help them practice new communication skills or play relationship games to reconnect. You’re not getting graded on your work, but doing your homework does help you move through the challenges!
What Can I Learn from a Sex Coach?
There are lots of things that I can offer you as a Sex Coach. Sometimes, people just need a safe place to talk about sex and relationships, and I’m here for that. And below are some of the most common reasons that people come to work with me.
- Questions about anatomy, physiology, or sexuality. Most of us don’t really know how our bodies (or our partner’s body) works. As a women in my 40s I’m learning a lot about how my body is changing due to perimenopause, and my partner (who’s 51) is experiencing some changes too. We need to rethink our sex practices and expectations to reground them in the present: the bodies we have now, the type of sex we want to have, and what we and our partner desires. I also work with folks exploring new facets of their sexuality, whether they are curious about a different relationship configuration (like polyamory) or interested in exploring their sexuality in new ways (with new people, with different genders, and/or types of sex).
- Your sex life needs a reboot! Maybe you want to talk to someone about how your sex life has gotten a little routine or predicable. Building a relationship that includes sex worth having takes a lot of work during the lifespan of the relationship. And please remember, that New Relationship Energy you felt at the beginning was a hormonal cascade that’s NOT meant to last! So if you’re not feeling that right now, you’re OK… and there are strategies and practices we can do to help you bring back the sparkle.
- Relationship and Intimacy Challenges. Maybe you feel disconnected from your own body or from your partner? Maybe you’re going through a big change (like a divorce) and want to learn more about how to do relationships differently. My blended approach of ancient and modern practices can work with a lot of people to help us feel more connection, more expressive emotionally, better able to create and maintain boundaries, and now more of what we want, to help us build better relationships.
What if I’m Very Shy and Not Ready to Talk to a Sex Coach?
Can you still work with a sex coach if you’re shy? Of course! I’ve built my business to make space for everyone, and you can do a lot of this work online in my guided trainings. Right now, I have a collection of free offerings on my site to get you started (worksheets, recorded webinars) and I just launched an online course on offer on Teachable for a low fee of $40. I’ll be adding four new Teachable classes during 2024, so there’s plenty to learn.
I know that it can be hard to talk about this most intimate topic, and that you might be feeling shy or nervous. So the online options are a great way to learn and grow without ever having to talk to me.
Who Is Not a Fit for Working with a Sex Coach?
Not everyone is a fit for working with me, and I do sometimes turn people away. There are three primary reasons that you might not be a fit for working with me.
First, and perhaps most obvious, is that this is my profession—I am not here to be your friend or your girlfriend. I will not work directly with people that I think are just trying to flirt with me or date me.
Second, I am not a mental health care provider. So if you tell me (or if I determine) that your challenges would be better served by a therapist, I’ll tell you so. I can work with therapists and offer case management, however, if you have stated anxiety, depression, or other health challenges, you need to either work with a mental health professional first or concurrently.
Third, you must respect my work. During our initial consultation call, I’m observing your words and actions, and I’m making my best guess as to whether we’re a fit. I have a few key indicators that I look for in session. This includes a willingness to learn and openness to being coached, and also general respect for my time and boundaries. If I feel that you’re not attending to these things, I don’t think it’s a good fit at this time. This work is deeply personal and can be deeply healing, but I need to know you’re ready to take it on. If there is any question that you’re not going to be respectful or grounded enough to take on the work, then it’s not likely a fit.
Watch these three TikToks to hear me talk more about how to work with a Sex Coach in video format! 🧡